Παρασκευή, 31 Μαΐου 2013

Imperium Reginae, Part One



Orbs spinning in the void, kept in line by ruthless gravity

Human Slaves of An Insect Nation-Imperium Reginae (a bare-bones attempt at creating a steampunk setting)

I was never really partial to steampunk. Not because I found the genre to be beneath me, but because when you’ve been raised on a steady diet of British trip-your-balls-off science fiction and Japanese psychic supermen, well…


You can’t exactly go back to pretending like you give a damn about Star Trek

But steampunk (for all the unnecessary goggles, dials and cogs that it has added to perfectly functional designs), has also added a great deal of awesome to pop culture, the kind that you can’t exactly shrug off and pretend like it doesn’t exist. It bridges fantasy and science fiction in that very special, bullshit science kind of way that I have come to respect and admire.


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Σάββατο, 25 Μαΐου 2013

Human Slaves of An Insect Nation, Part 13-Sexy In Spandex (short)


I’m only eating this dude because he’s EVIL! What? Eating people’s wrong now? Oh screw you, society, screw you!

Human Slaves of An Insect Nation, Part 13 (shortie)-Sexy In Spandex





I was always curious as to why almost every attempt of mine to run anything other than a fantasy campaign failed so utterly. It took me about ten years before I made an honest, earnest attempt at setting up an overarching plot, devoting all my brainjuice into this singular act of weaving a long-running supers story and two years before I could properly run it, before I realized what I had been doing wrong.


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Τετάρτη, 22 Μαΐου 2013

Jar-Pet


Intelligent, Playful, Resourceful Jar-Pet For Adoption!



Are you a busy, energetic person with too much responsibility and too little time on their hands? Do you feel like a regular pet requires too much care for you to handle? Thankfully, I have the solution!
The Jar-Pet is the kind of pet that’s a perfect fit for your everyday life! A chance for you to both be a pet owner and focus on your career at the same time! What’s a Jar-Pet, you’ll ask? It’s the answer to your prayers!

I found my Jar-Pet in my home’s cellar, where it had been abandoned by its previous owner, mere days before the tragic death of himself and his family. Upon discovering it, I realized that it was very intelligent, conversant and highly adaptable. The Jar-Pet is fluent in a number of languages (a number of them, I was later informed, long since dead) and has knowledge of a number of subjects, up to (and including) extinct culture customs!

But that’s not all there is to the perks of a Jar-Pet! The Jar-Pet is also highly resilient and can subsist for weeks without food, air or water. It is highly resistant to harm and also immune to standard pet diseases, requiring no vaccination whatsoever! It requires absolutely no care, except for occasional mental stimulation (a mutually beneficial arrangement!).

It is important to mention, however, that at no time are you to remove the Jar-Pet from its container (which is provided FOR FREE). The Jar-pet is resourceful and may immediately seek shelter in a hard-to-reach area of the house, where it might nest, thus becoming a nuisance! 

Interested in adopting a Jar-Pet? Then call the number below!

WARNING: The Jar-Pet is not intended to be owned by, or exposed to, children. It must not be kept in a room containing -or exposed to- religious symbols. Owners of the Jar-Pet accept full responsibility for its dietary needs at the moment of adoption. Should the Jar-Pet nest and/or breed inside a tenement the previous owner holds no responsibility toward its actions. The previous owner cannot be held accountable for any injury or loss of human life caused by the Jar-Pet.

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Σάββατο, 18 Μαΐου 2013

What I Think About Stuff-Y the Last Man Review



Yorick Brown, hard at work trying not to look like he’s taking a shit.

What I Think About Stuff-Y The Last Man


I don’t like Y the Last Man.

But it’s the feminist comic book epic of the decade, effenti!

Yes. I know. And I don’t like it. To be honest, I didn’t not enjoy it because it was poorly written, or because the premise offended my overly masculine sensibilities or because its art was shit or even because the comic book failed miserably at bringing its point across. This is not at all the case.


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Πέμπτη, 16 Μαΐου 2013

Foundation Initiation, Take One

 

"You were chosen" the man with the sandpaper-on-marble voice said between drags of his cigarette "because you survived."

"You saw the things that dwelt inside and beside and within reality, or you looked too closely into the places where the universe burst at the seams or you crossed into the wrong time through the wrong place, but you made it through. Whether by luck, ability or sheer bloody minded determination, you're here because you came out of something that defied understanding, sanity or the fundamental laws of physics without losing your minds."

The man with the sandpaper-on-marble voice stopped, flicked the ash from his cigarette and let out a steady stream of smoke from his nostrils, furnace-thick and acrid.

"You were dragged from the ruins of your life, torn and bloodied, screaming obscenities at your Gods, thinking that it was God's will or doing that brought you there, to the wasteland of mind and memory.

"It wasn't. It was terror and tragedy that had been transmitted into the fabric of your lives in indecipherable tongues that you could never even comprehend, never mind translate or understand.

"You were ants caught in a flash flood, that crawled into the mud and hid, as your world was swept away in the dark, screaming."

The man coughed once, then flicked his cigarette in the nether regions off-screen.

"That is no longer the case."

The reel ended without fanfare or ritual. There was only the sound of old film, whipping itself in the reel like an old Flagellant, whipping the skin off his back out of habit, his God's wrath long since abated. There was the whisper of silk, polyester and cotton on skin as the assorted men and women rustled uneasily in their seats and the nervous, repeated flicks of lighters as their owners seeked to conjure flame.

There was a 60-second silence that seemed to last forever. It was the doctor's words that broke the spell, his four-word incantation:

"Welcome to the Foundation"


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Σάββατο, 11 Μαΐου 2013

Human Slaves of An Insect Nation, Part 12-Chillin wit' Da Villains



I find your lack of phat beats…disturbing.


Human Slaves of An Insect Nation, Part 12-Chillin’ Like Villains

In the previous installment of the series, I detailed a few stepw toward generating a campaign villain: a creature that, despite its complexities and motivations, is wholly and utterly commandeered and controlled by you, the Storyteller, for the duration of the campaign.

Fellow redittor MetaMeh commented on last week’s article, proposing I focus on giving some tips (or more specifically, my own ideas) on handling the dynamics of more than one villains. As this is a subject that requires almost an entire thesis on its presentation and handling, I have instead chosen to take the easier road and try to address something that, again, focuses on a number of evil people, but does not require any in-depth look into campaign dynamics.

In short, evil characters.


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Σάββατο, 4 Μαΐου 2013

Why Haven't You read This? Part 4-I Can't do this Rhyming Shit Anymore



First Google result when you type ‘read’ that’s not a stock photo. The internet IS marvelous.


Why Haven’t You Read This? Part 4-Can’t do this rhyming shit anymore

Moving on to cheap entertainment alternatives on the Internet that aren’t cat videos (and are in fact, more than competent works of fiction), here’s the 4th installment to cheap, awesome stuff you can find online for free!

But before we move on, a quick nod to fellow scifi nerd and reviewer, Rusty Keele, who has done me the huge favor of letting me do short science fiction story reviews on his website, Bestsciencefictionstories.com. By the time you’re reading this, Rusty, it will be the 1-year anniversary of our collaboration! I’d buy you dinner, dude, but since we’re both at either ends of the planet, here’s a cool robot that’s flying above the Earth!

There’s a lady riding on top of it, but you’re the pilot!


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